Dear anti-vaxxers you have your views, now listen to mine…

Posted on July 2, 2016 | 1 comment

I read with dismay when a young man compared death from preventable diseases to death from road traffic accidents and that all these were the will of God. There was a public outrage in Malaysia and that young man has since removed his post. I have no idea if he has repented but I believe ignorance is deadly and based on recent events, contagious. Indeed all men must die, but not all have to die stupid.

I have a nephew who was born recently. I only get to see him on Skype daily. He lives in another country. I was looking forward to seeing him this year but due to the outbreak of diphtheria in Malaysia, I advised his parents to postpone their visit as my nephew hasn’t completed his vaccination schedule. My fears are not unfounded. This is the reality we are living in; where our lives are dictated by your decision. And your decision not only affects the present but the future that has yet come to pass.

Beyond sense and reason which has failed in our communication with your kind, I ask that you try to employ one other method. Instinct. Do you instinctively feel that your child is safe without vaccination? Do you instinctively feel secure knowing that your child will recover regardless of the infectious disease that we have been trying our best for generations to avoid? Do you instinctively feel impervious to all manner of infectious disease because you are protected by powers beyond that is comprehensible to mere mortals?

If you seek within the depths of your heart and find that it is difficult to honestly answer these questions, then you should listen to what I have to say. And listen well.

 

Vaccines are safe
I state the obvious first. I understand and empathise with those who feel that vaccines are dangerous as they cause a multitude of other defects which can be harmful and detrimental to health. Let’s assume that this is true. Are they worse than death or the defects caused by the infectious diseases which can be prevented by vaccines?

Let’s start with polio which can cause disability and suffocation if it involves the breathing muscles. Assuming your child recovers from polio, he may never run or play like a normal child.

Diphtheria affects your child’s breathing. In severe forms, it can affect the heart and nerves leading to death.

Pertussis is known to cause violent, uncontrollable coughing which makes it hard to breathe for a child. It can be deadly for babies less than a year old.

Vaccines prevent this infection by developing the immunity in your child by imitating the infection. This imitation does not cause severe illness but allows the immune system to develop its arsenal of weapons called ‘antibody’. In case your child is exposed to these infections in future, this antibody will prevent the infection from spreading to your child by eliminating the threat early and preventing your child from getting sick. If you know your ‘enemy’, you will be able to defeat them. It’s as simple as that.

So the question that begs for an answer is this. Do you want to be facing these diseases alone or you want the vaccines by your side forming a protective shield?

Or you sincerely feel autism is far worse than death? The choice is yours.

 

Doctors don’t make money from selling vaccines
A mother of a newborn child once told a friend of mine who was trying to convince her to vaccinate her child, that the reason doctors are adamant about vaccination is that they are making money from vaccines. You must be a special kind of human being in order believe this to be true.

What you don’t realise is this. You have been poisoned and manipulated to despise doctors and modern medicine so others can make money from your fears and ignorance.

Let’s assume your doctors are indeed making money from vaccines (which in most countries are given for free under their national health programme), are the alternative medicine practitioners doing it for free?

I challenge you to do this; if someone comes to you and says that vaccines are a propaganda of certain individuals who want to take over the wealth of the world, just ask them if the alternative they are proposing is free. Are these dates, herbs and holy water ingested purely out of the goodwill of these practitioners without expecting any monetary payment in return? That will be the last you hear of their goodwill and sage advice.

Since I can also be accused of writing this for monetary gains, let me state that I am an adult cardiologist and not one involved in administering vaccines.

 

You endanger other children
The most unacceptable outcome of not vaccinating your children is when they become infected and spread the infection to other innocent children.

I am sure you have heard of the concept of ‘herd immunity’. We contain the spread of infection when vaccinated children form a barrier around others who cannot tolerate vaccination due to defects in their immune system. And some are too young to complete their vaccination schedule and as such, they are vulnerable to these deadly infections.

Your decisions are responsible not only for the spread of these infections to your children but also countless other innocent lives. Have you spoken to your fellow anti-vaxxers whose children are dead or maimed after being infected? Have you seen any unvaccinated child recover and their parents tell you it was worth the experience seeing their child go through this? Have you forgotten that you live today because your parents made the right decision to vaccinate you when you were young?

Unless you live on an island surrounded only by your fellow anti-vaxxers, remember that you don’t have the right to endanger the lives of other children.

 

Some of your intentions are pure
I will not vilify all anti-vaxxers of being greedy and evil. I know some of your intentions are pure. You honestly feel vaccines are more harmful than the diseases we are trying to contain, so you chose the lesser evil.

Does it scare you when your child develops a fever after vaccination? It happens because your child has a healthy immune system which is now producing the aforementioned antibodies.

Does it frighten you to see the rise of autoimmune diseases, environmental allergies, life-threatening food allergies, ADHD, seizure disorders, asthma, and cancer? But your grandparents were vaccinated and so were you. Why now the rise?

Why can’t it be due to the processed food and unhealthy eating habits? Why do you steadfastly hold on to the belief that vaccines are responsible? Do you have any credible studies to back you up?

Some use the word of God and religious texts to counter the logic behind vaccination. Regardless of the religion you practice, God is merciful and kind. He would not want you to suffer when you already have the tools to save yourselves.

Ignorance and ego are twin beasts that devour you from within preventing you from gaining sense and perspective. So I beg this of you, read and reflect on what I have written here. I am here for you and your children. I am not the enemy. And you are not mine.

 

I want to live in a world that is safe for all children. The world where I am not shackled by fear and trodden by the injustice inflicted upon me by others.

It is as Thomas Sowell once said: “It takes considerable knowledge just to realise the extent of your own ignorance”.

 

 

 

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Dear doctors, be kind to each other.

Posted on May 9, 2015 | 195 comments

I met a young doctor who used to work with me recently. I had just completed my night rounds in the hospital and I was leaving for home.

And then I saw him. He was unkempt, exhausted and appeared famished. Worst of all, he looked like a man who has totally given up on being a doctor. He appeared hesitant when I asked him what was wrong, but I could not just leave him there.

After much persuasion and insistence on my part he agreed to join me for a late supper. While he ravaged through his first proper meal of the day, he finally opened up. He has started working for the past week in a new speciality. Though the hours are longer, it was not an issue. He was well aware of the sacrifices he was expected to make.

However, the degradation, humiliation and constant harassment have finally taken their toll. He was literally chased out of the ward just minutes before he met me because he could not remember the details of a patient he clerked. He was not allowed to refer to his notes and had to recite the lab results by heart like a trained poodle. The words were abusive, hurtful and condescending. And worst of all, it was said right in front of the patient.

He finished his meal and stood up to leave. And as he left he said this “Please don’t worry about me. I will be fine”. I was not convinced. The shame of being publicly humiliated is not a stain that washes easily.

The doctor-patient relationship often takes centre stage, but the epitome of good clinical practice depends on how the doctors treat each other. The medical profession is filled with fragile and vulnerable egos that often have trouble working with each other in a genuine collaboration of trust and mutual respect.

We complain, argue, fight and obsess for the sake of our patients, but do we dare reflect for even an iota of moment our actions and attitude towards our fellow caregivers?

So what went wrong in the noblest of professions and how do we fix it?

Stop the stereotyping of doctors 

“The surgeon knows nothing and does everything. The physician knows everything and does nothing. The psychiatrist knows nothing and does nothing. The pathologist knows everything, but always a week too late”.

“Surgeons are egomaniacs, anaesthesiologists are lazy, orthopaedic surgeons are meatheads, obstetricians are mean and brain surgeons think they are God”

There isn’t a single medical speciality that has not been ripped apart and ridiculed.

As I continue to mature and evolve in clinical practice I have encountered a variety of doctors. And most of them share a common trait.  They live under a grand delusion that their speciality is the only one that matters and worth doing. They have strong negative feelings about doctors who have chosen a different career path and have a deep seated urge to insult them at every opportunity they get.

This has to stop. Every facet of medicine is equally important.

As a clinical cardiologist I depend on the primary care physicians to detect and refer their patients to me early for cardiac interventions. It would be near impossible for me to screen all the patients with coronary artery disease in the population. I lean heavily on the cardiac surgeons for cases not amenable to minimally invasive interventions. The endocrinologists help us manage the difficult diabetics who need expert fine tuning of their insulin regimes. The emergency physicians are crucial front liners in diagnosing acute cases and stabilizing them prior to sending them to the cardiac care unit. The intensive care specialists help us manage the ventilated patients and are crucial to the running of our cardiology services.

Every single doctor provides an important aspect of patient care which complements the work of the other. We work like a grand complex machine where every part is imperative to the running of sound and safe clinical practice.  We are all equally important. And that is the often forgotten ‘stereotype’.

You don’t need to criticize or challenge other doctors to earn respect 

I read an article recently where a rival oncologist told the parents of a young patient with incurable cancer that he could have saved her life had she been brought to him earlier. He completely disregarded the considered opinion made by the oncologist who actually managed the patient from the beginning. His actions were borne without actually consulting the managing oncologist and in that one frivolous statement completely shattered  the foundation of trust the parents had on the treating team. This unnecessary disagreement between doctors often compromises the best interest of the patient.

Rival doctors often spread malicious lies about their colleagues. I have a friend who works in an established private centre and a rival cardiologist once told one of his patients that “he was a far more brilliant cardiologist” and that my friend was less experienced than he was.

Another surgeon told personal details about another doctor to his patients including mistakes he made as an intern and his unfortunate marital problems. 

Just recently I overheard a junior doctor thrashing his ward colleague in front of the nurse’s station. He knew I was within earshot and yet continued to speak ill of his colleague who happens to be a trustworthy, humble and talented doctor.

This leads to lack of trust between doctors and dents one’s reputation. A patient is unlikely to respect a doctor who openly criticizes another and may feel threatened you would do the same to them. 

Bullying is not a necessary evil for training doctors 

One of my mentors told me prior to my training as a physician that one of the most important attribute I was expected to develop was a thick skin to criticism and condescension.

Each doctor invariably undergoes a different form of bullying throughout a long career. It can be as subtle as denying one the privilege of referring to a patient’s chart while presenting a case just seen barely fifteen minutes ago amid a flurry of admission. Or it can be downright humiliating like being called ‘stupid’ and ‘incompetent’ during morning rounds for an incorrect answer.

I have seen senior surgeons screaming at their residents and interns during surgery for seemingly simple or negligible errors. Every small mistake during surgery is magnified out of proportion and a running commentary will follow suit on how the doctor ‘does not have what it takes to be a good surgeon’.

Physicians are often in a foul mood early in the morning if the lab results are not available on time although the interns would have personally delivered the blood samples to the lab technicians. The interns will face the brunt of their anger knowing full well they did nothing wrong.

Radiologist are often condescending when interns request for an emergency CT scan as they are an easier target compared to the senior consultant whose orders the interns are carrying out.

Family physicians and general practitioners are often the object of irate registrars and consultants who feel they contribute nothing to proper patient care not realizing the crucial role these primary care physicians play in screening patients prior to sending them to tertiary care.

A paediatrician may swear at a doctor for missing an intravenous cannulation on a preterm neonate and then adopt a serene demeanour when facing the parents of the child.

We often excuse doctors who are bullies because they are ‘great with patients’ and are ‘brilliant clinicians’ or ‘gifted surgeons’. This hurts the profession more than you can imagine.

Doctors trained in this hostile environment will foster deep resentment towards their peers. It becomes ingrained in their psyche. Once they get better and more confident they will develop the same impatience that was shown to them towards their junior doctors. And they will in turn become the very bullies they once despised.

This never ending vicious cycle will continue and the interns will mature into senior doctors thinking that bullying and condescension is a necessary tool for training doctors. 

Bullies are cowards. Period. There is no way we can justify the actions of those who continuously seek ways to make the lives of others miserable. Since bullies only respond to strength, the medical hierarchy should start becoming much stronger. Cultures that shun the bullies making them look weak instead of the recipient should be fostered. This is easier said than done as the bullies often sit at the top of the food chain but cultures change because people are committed and steadfast in changing them.

Good and honest communication saves lives 

Newly minted doctors need proper training to become competent and safe. They should be encouraged to ask questions and any uncertainty regarding a patient’s management will be cleared during the rounds. The young doctors learn by observing the intricate process of decision making that goes into managing a patient and in time they will become better clinicians.

Suppose a senior registrar or a consultant barks at every question as it is a ‘waste of his precious time’ or that ‘you are supposed to know this’. The junior doctors will hold back their questions or doubts for they are preoccupied with fear of appearing incompetent or lazy. They fall into the trap of placing emphasis on trying to save face and look like they know what they are doing at all times rather than admitting ignorance.

The interns will dread the clinical rounds and will only perform the most basic of duties such as tracing the lab results, writing the discharge summary and updating the progress notes. They will immerse themselves in paperwork and avoid spending time preparing for clinical rounds.

Since the interns and junior doctors are often the ones manning the wards after clinical rounds while the consultants and registrars are engaged in the busy clinics, subtle deterioration in a patient’s clinical condition can go unnoticed. The interns who lack proper clinical training to detect such dangers or even the ones who may suspect something wrong but hold back in apprehension out of creating a false alarm, may not alert the senior doctors until its too late.

The patient’s care is severely compromised and the interns will retreat further into their shell as they will be blamed for this unfortunate event. If the interns try to defend themselves and argue back, they will be blackballed throughout their career in medical practice and labelled for insubordination. 

And shame does not encourage improvement. The culture of blame and punishment fosters more mistakes and fatalities. Doctors do not report their errors for fear of retribution.

And our mistakes will work its way down to affect the patient’s lives.

The  doctor-patient relationship paradigm depends closely on the doctor-doctor relationship. Bad and damaging cultures foster a hostile atmosphere that erodes trust, tarnishes good communication and promotes disrespect within the medical community. The role doctors play in harming each other ubiquitously affects the patient’s care, however unintentionally. 

If we work in an environment where we are kind, tolerant and respectful of each other, we will in turn be more humane to our patients. Young doctors will be nurtured in a system that is steeped in kindness and compassion and they in turn will become sound clinicians who resonate the same values. 

It is, as Plato once said “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle”. 

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Your doctor is not the enemy

Posted on April 26, 2015 | 1 comment

Medicine was once seen as a noble profession. The healing touch that banished all ailments, comforted those in pain and alleviated suffering. This image is slowly eroding. The doctors have now become the enemy. It may sound dramatic but the reality is such that we are hounded, persecuted and second-guessed for most of our professional lives that we lose focus on why we joined this profession the first place. I wrote this so the doctors can be heard and for you to know that we are not your enemy.

The Internet is not a recognized medical school
I have told my patients this countless times in the humblest of manner, sound and sensible medical advice comes from years of training and learning medicine and not from reading countless articles from the Internet.
The doctors cannot be overruled by your relative who feels insulin makes your diabetes worse because of an article he read on a celebrity wellness blog.

We should not dragged to refute the logic of your village elders who feel cessation of smoking brings more harm to your body and that in order to ’remain healthy’ you need to continue smoking as your lungs will repair and replace the unhealthy cells.

We have spent millions to show you that vaccination is safe yet you don’t trust us.

The doctors don’t hurt you on purpose
I was nauseated after reading an article recently regarding a teenager’s excruciating and horrifying experience while being treated for dengue fever in a hospital. The mother claimed that he was stabbed and prodded with needles while he was still awake and that his cries of pain brought tears to her eyes. It had all the makings of a sensational piece of news. Imagine having to send all patients to the operating theatre for blood taking under general anaesthesia!

Another mother claimed radiation from a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan on her child left him permanently disabled from the radiation although no one bothered to correct her that there was absolutely no risk of radiation and that her child had a genetic condition.

But the one that takes the cake would have to be the accusation of sexual misconduct against a young doctor for holding a male patient’s genitals while inserting a urinary catheter. The author had the audacity to publish the doctor’s name while making him look like a sex predator. I have just one question… “Where is he supposed to hold while inserting a urinary catheter? The belly button?”

The doctors don’t make money from your illness
We don’t pray for you to fall sick. And we are there for you when you do. You must have the mental finesse and the discerning capacity to know the difference. Although doctors in private practice make decent money, the same cannot be said of doctors working in government or charity hospitals.

Most doctors resist the temptation of private practice due to their sheer willpower to serve the needy when they can easily chart a better life for themselves.

We are not paid extra for every patient we admit or manage. The drug companies don’t give us a percentage of their profit every time we prescribe their medication. We earn a fixed income and we have learnt to live with it.

If we have to keep you in the ward or prescribe a different antibiotic for your chest infection it isn’t because we mean harm or we are trying to profit from your illness. It is simply because we are doing our job. To care for you. And please don’t make it impossible for us to do just that.

The doctors are human and they can make mistakes
I have no excuse for doctors who are repeatedly incompetent and pose a danger to their patients. They besmirch the name of all doctors and should be dealt with severely.

But spare a thought for those who make a mistake without meaning to. They have worked admirably for years in a thankless environment without expecting much and suddenly a solitary mistake and its reverberating effects define who they are. They will be publicly humiliated in a courtroom. People will snigger and talk behind their backs. Friends and colleagues will desert them. They will be branded as failures and continue to live on with this reality while saving countless other lives.

As much as it pains you please find it in your heart to forgive them especially if you know deep within you that it was a genuine mistake. It is too much to ask at times.

I remember a beautiful quote by Abraham Verghese on doctors;

” We come unbidden into this life, and if we are lucky we find a purpose beyond starvation, misery, and early death which, lest we forget, is the common lot. I grew up and I found my purpose and it was to become a physician. My intent wasn’t to save the world as much as to heal myself. Few doctors will admit this, certainly not young ones, but subconsciously, in entering the profession, we must believe that ministering to others will heal our woundedness. And it can. but it can also deepen the wound.”

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Dear medical interns/house officers, it’s time you learned the truth

Posted on October 14, 2014 | 7 comments

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This was not written as a self-righteous article to indulge my sense of accomplishment in medical practice. Although I am an internal medicine specialist and a fellow in cardiology, I have achieved nothing if compared to the legends in my field of work. I will not start with the dreaded phrase “During my time…”. I will start by telling you only this… I am going to tell you the truth. At least, the truth the way I see it.

Medicine is difficult if it is seen only as a science.
It is an amalgamation of arts, science and social skills. If you approach your patients with the sole purpose of diagnosing a disease purely on a scientific basis, you will find it difficult.

Textbooks are useless. Patients cannot speak your “language”. They can’t quantify sputum, they forget to notice when their eyes first turned yellow, cannot accurately recall the pattern of their fever and if their stool color has changed over the past week. And that’s what makes them human.

You need to learn the art of history taking and physical examination to coax this out of them. And nurture the ability to treat your patients with respect and dignity they deserve. This cannot be taught in medical school. You will learn this in life. Or rather in the wards.

Internship is physically exhausting
A house officer wrote to a local news daily recently, that he or she is exhausted with internship training. There was an immediate surge of response to this letter. Most of them criticized and condemned the sheer audacity of the author for claiming the training is exhausting when it has been revised so many times to make it better and easier for the young interns to cope.

I will not resile from their position. Nor will I rescind their opinions. After all I am nobody to judge.

In all honesty, training during internship is tough. It drains you in every way possible. But what you fail to remember is the necessity of this training and this ’fleeting moment’ will pass once you complete internship. You are not going to be an intern forever. The ability to function while being sleep deprived is an important attribute for an intern. If you don’t know how, just ask your parents how they managed when you were a toddler. That will set you straight.

Just keep your head down and get on with your work. Only experience, hard work and nerves of steel fostered during your internship years will end up making you a better clinician.

You cannot compare internship training with other countries you have probably studied or worked in briefly. Every system is there for a purpose. To suit the needs of their society and healthcare demands. No system is perfect regardless of the country you work in. They have their flaws and will continue to improve as the demographics of their society changes.

When working hours are reduced, the clinicians complain they cannot pass the necessary skills to the interns and when the hours are increased the interns claim fatigue. This becomes a never-ending vicious cycle of bitter resentment towards each other.

You can choose your preferred area of speciality once you complete your internship training. If you want the working hours of an office clerk, this is the time. No one will fault you for wanting to spend more time with your family. And if you choose to enter a demanding speciality you cannot live under the delusion that you are a better doctor and your work is more worth the while. You define your life with your own rules and don’t impose these rules on others.

I have said this before and I will say it again… Training of doctors should best be left to the practicing clinicians. Keep the politicians and the general public out of this.

Internship is emotionally draining
After a day of being sleep and food deprived, getting your ward in order for the early morning rounds and making sure all the clinical notes are in the correct files, a harsh word from your consultant or superior for a small irrelevant mistake can hurt you deeply. I have felt it before. We all have. It is as if they only focus on your mistakes and not the hard work or effort you have so selflessly given.

I admit it. We sometimes become complacent. We assume it’s interns job to do the work and that you should not ask for a reward or a pat in the back but mistakes should be reprimanded. I apologize. I have been guilty of this too and I pledge to do better.

Do not be afraid of bullies whose only existence is by making the lives of others beneath them miserable, not realizing how pathetic their own lives really are. There are bullies everywhere and not just in medicine. And since bullies only respond to strength, you should be prepared to be much stronger.

And then there are those who push you hard, to become better clinicians and a better person. Their methods may vary but they have your best interest at heart. They are not bullies. And you should have the wisdom and the mental finesse to know the difference.

Do not demand for lesser working hours. Instead demand for better training and teaching. Expose the flaws in the existing system which interferes with your progress as a clinician. Take your superiors to task for not living up to the expected standards. Drag those who hide behind the veils of bureaucracy into the light. Don’t allow the paper pushers and keyboard warriors change the course of your destiny. It is your right to become the best doctor you can possibly be. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

There is a beautiful quote by George Bernard Shaw, “ I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

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The single doctor: What you need to know before marrying one

Posted on October 11, 2014 | 2 comments

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I met a patient during her follow up. She was doing well after her coronary stenting and was free from chest pains. She has started gardening and recently enrolled for dancing classes. I was happy for her. Just before leaving the room, she turned and asked the question most single doctors dread… “Are you still single? ”.

I am.

“I have a niece I want you to meet. She is beautiful, intelligent and well mannered. She will take good care of you. She read law in England. We have had quite a few proposals. But I told my brother you are the best person for her. Shall I speak to your parents? Do you have your horoscope with you now?” she blurted out in a single breath.

I have faced this before. And I am always prepared. I told her I was very flattered to be considered but I was too busy working in cardiology that marriage is something for me when I am more settled in life.

“Don’t wait too long. My niece will not remain young forever. And neither will you”.

Indeed. Thank you.

Single doctors are a common breed. Not exotic. But common. We live among you (the rest of the world), and as much as we can, we don’t want to attract attention. But we fail. Miserably.

Let me tell you all that I have heard and witnessed. The good, the bad and the ridiculous.

Doctors make the best spouse because there are caring and sensitive
It’s true the way doctors care for the welfare of others can at times supersede other professions. This law is not inviolate. Caring for another person is an inherent character. It’s also something you need to build and work on. It also depends a lot on how you were raised. You don’t necessarily have to be a doctor to learn to care and be sensitive to the needs of others.
The profession comes with an unavoidable responsibility to care but the onus falls on the doctor to reciprocate in kind. And not all doctors do. There are some who have been numbed by the profession that they don’t care anymore. Death and suffering becomes a routine. So do they now make bad husbands or wives? Obviously not. It just a way they react to the demands of the profession.
And if you want someone to come home in the evening after losing a patient who bled to death on the operating table and ask about how your day was and if the dog has had its bowel movement, you are married to the wrong person.

Marrying a doctor is a ’sound investment’
If based solely on a financial point of view I don’t think this is entirely true. Doctors earn a decent income and unless you are in the private practice, the sum is modest at best. Inflation and lifestyle expenditure within the upper middle class bracket doesn’t help either. Marry an investment banker. Now that’s a real ’good investment’.

Doctors should marry someone who can take care of them
The profession comes with endless responsibilities. And no illness comes with an appointment. For the doctors, the job isn’t ’eight to five’. And having a person to attend to your needs at the end of an exhausting day is a blessing.
But many doctors I know become complacent. They take the sacrifices of their spouses for granted. It is in no part helped by the fact that in certain societies the burden of the household falls solely on the spouse who is married to a doctor because the doctor is assumed to be always busy. Not a very fair deal of you ask me.

Marrying a doctor is a step up the social status ladder
Let me give you a short preview of the not too distant future. Doctors aren’t a rarity like they once were. Due to the incessant mushrooming of medical schools, let me paraphrase AirAsia’s famous slogan… “Now everyone can become a doctor”. So get that silly idea out of your (or your parent’s) head.

Doctors are well bred and well mannered
True. Unless you give us a reason not to be. Just like the rest of the human species we are prone to tantrums, labile emotions and rantings. We become less well mannered and irritable when people try to challenge our years of medical education with snippets they got from the internet last night while smearing night creams on their puffy porcelain faces. Beware. We are not as nice as we are made to seem.

Don’t marry a woman who is a doctor, she will be too busy to take care of you and your children
I came across a saying recently, “When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. It is only difficult for the others. It is the same when you are stupid”. That’s sums up what I think of people who make these statements. Some of the best mothers and wives I know happen to be doctors. It’s not about the profession as I have mentioned before. You have to work on being a good mother or a wife regardless of what you do. It comes easier for some who are born with certain innate abilities and for others you need to work just a little bit harder. Doctor or not, you need to learn to live a life balanced between work and home.

I leave with a quote from one of my favorite poets, Rumi, “Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”

And that is the truth…

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Dear doctors, love thy nurses

Posted on May 2, 2014 | 40 comments

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A senior nurse in my hospital retired from service recently. I have known her since the infancy of my career. A gentle and loving lady, highly capable and brilliant with her patients, she was one of the most respected nurses in our Intensive Care Unit (ICU).

A few months after her retirement, I bumped into a former patient of mine who was treated for a severe lung infection a few years ago. He is currently pursuing a degree in engineering. Over a cup of coffee, he asked if I knew where the nurse who took care of him was staying. He had been to the hospital and was told of her retirement. Naturally, I was curious to know why he wanted to meet her after so many years. His answer still resonates within me.

“To thank her for being alive. She was with me the whole time I was admitted. When I was afraid, she held my hands, wiped away my tears and helped me pray. She fed me and kept me clean. She moved my body often, so I did not develop pressure sores. And never once did I see her flinch at the sight of my excrement. When my cough became chesty and I had difficultly breathing, she sucked out the secretions. When my urinary catheter hurt, she removed it and convinced the attending doctor I didn’t really need one. She was there for me all the time. And I will always be grateful to her”

I have always believed being in medicine is a calling. Doctors are trained to be kind, gentle and compassionate. We devote our time and energy to care for our patients, to give them a sense of orderliness, security and comfort to name but a few. I was wrong. I merely gave the orders. My nurses carried them out. And often they went beyond the call of duty for our patients. They breathe and bleed compassion and dedicate their lives for a single purpose. To care for the sick and ailing.

I wrote this piece so they can be heard and appreciated. And for them to know, that I am grateful. Immensely.

 

Nurses endure abuses from patients
Physical and verbal abuses from ill and confused patients are part of the nursing routine. A young nurse once mentioned that if she gets home without a stain on her scrubs, her husband would think she did not go to work and was having an affair!

I have watched nurses being slapped and kicked while they tried to restrain aggressive patients. Being spat at is common. Learning to duck while things are thrown at you is an important attribute. Patients will try to sink their teeth into someone the moment they are restrained and since the doctors only give out the orders, the nurses become the victims.

Some will miraculously escape from their restraints, confounding even the likes of Houdini and lash out if anyone comes within ’striking distance’. It’s near impossible taking their vital signs, let alone feeding them. And when you’re done with one, there will always be another.

Nurses are also forced to dance attendance to the patient’s relatives who demand explanation for a particular treatment administered by the doctors. They become abusive if they can’t meet the doctors and vent their frustrations on the nurses. They become condescending, rude and downright vulgar with their words. I remember a young couple reducing a nurse to tears, all for the sole reason their child was kept fasted prior to a surgery and then it was cancelled. It’s not her fault. I cancelled the surgery. And she bore the brunt of their anger.

And yet very few nurses actually complain. They bear no resentment towards the doctors or their patients. They swallow the pain and their pride and continue to endure. They do it best and make it look so simple. And very few of us actually realize that.

 

Nurses do the ’real’ dirty work
When I need any specimen from a patient, be it phlegm, saliva, pus, blood, urine or stool, I can always count on my nurses.

No boil is angry enough, no discharge too foul-smelling and no feces too odious for my nurses to refuse their job. They will get it done. And while constantly being exposed to health hazards.

They are my gladiators and they will wear the ’battle scars’ of their efforts albeit not too proudly on their white uniforms or scrubs till their shift is over.

Confused and demented patients often confuse a space by the window for a latrine and they can choose the most inconvenient of times to empty their bowels there. And the nurses have to clean it up, while putting on hold the passing of duty to the next shift, which by the way, rarely ends as scheduled.

And I have always wondered how they manage to have their meals after all the ’assaults to their senses’. Being a nurse is probably one of the most effective methods of losing weight! Now there’s the silver lining.

 

Nurses have great physical endurance
Nurses work on a rotation basis. They can work during the morning for a few days and revert to working in the evening for a week and then a few days of night shifts before they get a day off. The timing of their shifts is such that their sleep patterns are disturbed. When they finally get the hang of a particular shift, a new one starts.

They rarely take days off from work even if they fall ill because other nurses have to cover their shifts.  And they will have to replace it later. Shortage of nurses further compounds this problem.

Nurses have to learn to hold their bladder for a prolonged period of time, far beyond the capacity of a normal functioning human being. They learn never to give in to the excruciating pangs of hunger while being on the job. Break time is for feeding the patients and to complete their nursing report. A preterm neonate in an incubator can deteriorate within seconds the moment your back is turned. A teenager with dengue fever in shock needs constant monitoring of his fluids. An elderly man with diabetic ketoacidosis needs his insulin infusion updated so he does not go into hypoglycemia.

Constant vigilance. It becomes ingrained within the nurses. A deep-seated unshakeable belief.

 

Nurses help the doctors more than they know
Upon graduation from medical school, interns often find themselves wandering aimlessly in the hospital corridors. Do you remember who showed you the way?

Was it the consultant who was diligently preparing his case against the next legal attack a patient’s lawyer was lining up? Was it the registrar who was too busy studying for his clinical exams? Or was it the patient who made you feel like you were too young to be in the room with her?

Who stood next to you when you were too afraid to draw a patient’s blood?
Who answered ’he is old enough’ when a patient wanted to know your age?
Who helped you insert a cannula at two in the morning when you have tried a dozen times and failed?
Who gave you that pat on your back and told you ’you’ve got this’ when a patient collapsed and needed CPR?
Who made you look good in front of your consultant when you did not know the correct antibiotic for meningitis and she whispered it into your ears as she walked out of the room?
Who did all the dirty work in the labour room but allowed you to bring the baby to the mother?
Who assisted you in your first surgery with a ’malignant’ surgeon and taught you all the tricks to survive him?
Who made you the cup of coffee when you have been up for 36 hours?
Who gave you their shoulders to cry when your seniors bullied you and called you ’stupid and incapable’?

That’s right. It’s always been them.

Unfortunately, some doctors develop selective memory loss once they have found their footing. They attribute their survival in medicine to their singular efforts alone with very little help from others especially the nurses who are now beneath them.

The humble tone of their voices turn condescending. The downcast eyes become fiery. The hesitant steps move more purposeful. And their ego swells disproportionate to their actual talents. It’s the bitter truth. Fortunately, they are the select few.

And yet the nurses never leave our side.

 

Nurses have a life outside of the hospital
It is difficult to imagine having a social life once you enter the nursing profession. It is infinitely much harder if you have a family.

After her shift is over, she has to rush home and cook for her family. She has to help her children with their homework and listen to her husband complaining about her job although she pays the utility bills every month. She does the laundry and the dishes because she can’t afford a maid. She bathes the dog and feeds the cat before her head finally hits the pillow. And the next day the cycle repeats itself.

Despite their sacrifices, their work requirements and timing cause a strain in their marriage and often leads to a divorce. It must hurt when they have given everything till there’s nothing left to give, only to learn it isn’t enough.

 

It is difficult for us to fully comprehend the sacrifices nurses make on a daily basis. Gratitude alone isn’t enough. There is a beautiful quote by Rumi meant for lovers,

“You have no idea how hard I’ve looked for a gift to bring You. Nothing seemed right. What’s the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the ocean. Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It’s no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these. So I’ve brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me.”

There will always be dark days. But remember, it’s my turn now to be your light. Thank you for everything. Sincerely.

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A note to Brendan Rodgers: From a Liverpool fan

Posted on April 29, 2014 | 6 comments

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Dear Brendan Rodgers,

Chin up. This is not the end. I have followed and analyzed most of Liverpool’s matches this season and I have found a constant in their success. You.

Many would blame our captain for the mistake that cost us the game against Chelsea but if I am much mistaken, you blame yourself. Don’t. You cast aside pragmatism and believed in your philosophy and your players. You are a rare breed. A draw is not a win. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

The mark of a champion is to rise from the ashes of defeat. You of all people would have learned the most from this game. You would have seen beyond the tactical discipline of a team structured to frustrate yours, that if this happens again, you will be prepared. And you will be ready.

Take heart from watching the great managers of past, who stood helplessly by, while victory was stolen from their grasp at the very last second. They came back. They fought and they won. So will you. And that is the true measure of greatness if it can be measured at all. Perseverance.

Don’t descend to the lower depths of morality. As you have been gracious in winning, be magnanimous in defeat. To those who stand at the opposite end of the moral spectrum nothing bothers them more. This is the true mind game. Believe me.

As you have not allowed your relative success to breed in your head, don’t allow the imposter called defeat to lay shackles in your mind. Rebuild the ramparts around your psyche. Reforge your weapons. And then come out blazing. We are with you. And I promise you this, you will never walk alone.

Yours truly,
A liverpool fan

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Ten life lessons doctors learn from their patients

Posted on April 18, 2014 | 3 comments

It has been said, that in your last moments, your life flashes before you, reenacting the scenes, up to the point where you are ready to move on. As a doctor, I have cared for and watched after many patients and I have found a constant among those plagued by ailments and suffering. Regret. It is the single most important burden many carry to their deathbed. And their burden has taught me how to live my life.

Money is not evil, lack of it is.
Start reading and researching on financial planning early. Invest and keep your finances secure and balanced. Many patients cannot afford the best healthcare when they most need it simply because they did not anticipate and save in advance. If you live in a country where healthcare isn’t free or subsidized, it would help tremendously if you could obtain a health insurance. Plan your expenses judiciously and always save up for retirement. It would be too late to start when you fall ill. The mental anguish of not being able to work and provide for your family can gravely affect your recuperation.

Start taking care of your health now
Health is a precious asset. In most countries, the common causes of mortality and morbidity are due to preventable and modifiable diseases. Heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and dyslipidemia are related to your diet and lifestyle. So start eating healthy, go for regular exercise and get proper medical check ups. Reduce the sugar in your diet and count your calorie intake. Start teaching your kids to care for their health and get the whole family involved. It is infinitely far better to cook and eat at home for you will be in control of what you put in your food. A sound health will enable you to lead a more wholesome life.

Travel to new places
It is a constant regret among my patients that they did not travel enough when they were young and healthy. Traveling to new places enriches you in more ways than you know. It creates new bonds, strengthens current relationships and rekindles lost passion and romance. If life is moving too fast and it’s draining your soul away, take a sabbatical and work in a foreign country. Immerse yourself in a new culture with new people and get a fresh start. You may never know how it could change your life.

Don’t hold grudges
It is very difficult for a doctor to watch his patients die. It is worse if you have to watch them die alone. Cherish your friends and loved ones. Don’t allow petty arguments to ruin years of friendship and love. Keep your ego locked up. Sometimes, it’s better to apologize and move on regardless of whose fault it might have been. Forgive generously if you have been hurt. If you think of someone who means a lot to you, call now. Don’t wait. If you love someone, say it now. Don’t let them slip away. Time is cruel to those who keep love and friendship locked within. Look past the imperfections for to be loved is the only perfect thing in the world. And it the only thing that makes sense.

Your family is a gift
Spend time with your family as much as you can. Don’t work too hard. And don’t bring your work home. Find the right balance. Be present when your children are growing up as your presence can influence their formative years. Show up and be there for them when they need you, for one day they will do the same for you. If you have not told them how much they mean to you, say it now. Never hesitate. Go forth. Steal that kiss, hold that hand a while longer or hug them a little bit closer. And always remember; to have a family is a privilege and a gift, not a birthright.

Don’t remain in abusive relationships
I once had a patient with chronic kidney disease who refused dialysis. She finally revealed that she would rather die than to remain married to her husband who has been abusing her for years, and yet she continues to endure. Don’t choose to be unhappy in a relationship. It does not matter how long you have been in it. If someone truly loves you, they will never hurt you in any way. Have the courage to walk away towards a life and a person you truly deserve. And you will be happy.

Don’t settle in life
Fear of the unknown and being relatively comfortable with their current life has forced many people to settle for something very different from what they really set out for. They cast their dreams aside and grow old yearning for something that was always within their reach, but the walls they have built around their psyche, blocks them from attaining it.

Lead a righteous and honest life
Don’t lead a life shackled by deceit and envy. Be genuinely happy for the achievements of others. This is a world of abundance. It is filled with more than you could possibly want. Don’t be lured by the temptation to cheat and manipulate others. Never knowingly or consciously hurt someone especially the ones you love. The guilt will eat you up and stain your conscience for life. And it will never wash away.

Reflect on your life
Take some time off your daily routine to reflect on your life. This is important. Upon reflection we can obtain a sense of direction and conviction, to realign our lives the way we want it. Difficult and unpredictable circumstances can lead us astray and it’s important to have a sound bearing and clear conscience. As John Dewey once said, “We do not learn from experience.. we learn from reflecting on experience.”

Get closer to God
The answers we have all been looking for have always been there. We just didn’t know where to look. Regardless of your religious beliefs, God is a constant and He will embrace you, even in your most shattered form. Ask and He will give you the answers. Surrender and He will show you the way. Fall and He will raise you up.

 

As I write this down I am reminded of each and every patient whose shared experiences made me the person I am today. Some may have passed on and to them I dedicate this quote by Kahlil Gibran,

“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountaintop,then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs,then shall you truly dance.”

And to all of them, I am eternally grateful. Thank you.

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Dear world, MH 370 is a tragedy, not a definition of my country.

Posted on March 29, 2014 | 39 comments

I have been forced to write this to defend my country and its people. Much has been said regarding my people’s lack of empathy in this incident. No country should claim monopoly on grief. We have all suffered and are still enduring.

To accuse my country of ‘lacking transparency’ and ‘withholding truth’ in handling this tragedy is interesting in many ways. More so when the accusation comes from a nation with abysmal human rights record and a highly secretive government. Would you share your military records and expertise if a plane from your nation bound to my country went missing with the exact mix of passengers? Are we entitled to label you ’slow’ and siege your nation with unethical scathing remarks and make public demonstrations in front of your embassy when your own fleet of ships and airplanes are unable to unravel even a string of truth? Do the terms ’murderer’ and ’liar’ sound palatable when your highly advanced satellites produce images of the debris in South China Sea, which are later acknowledged to be false by your own government? This clearly shows there are limits to even your own technology. As such, if you live in a glass house, please learn not to cast stones.

The possibility of the plane being hijacked brought forward a surge of response. One of which was to associate the hijackers to religious extremists. There is no such thing as religious extremism in my opinion. Extremism is a character flaw, not a flaw in the teachings of a religion. Confused people become extremist. I believe there is not a single page, in any holy book, of any religion in this world that promotes killing and slaughtering of its fellow-men. Men are evil. They are flawed. Don’t blame religion.

Were the World Wars started by the very religion you have taken to task for every attack around the globe? Did they kill millions in concentration camps? It’s fascinating when others commit the same sins or worse, they are labelled as ’crime against humanity’ but the term ’religious extremism’ is kept only for a select group of people.

There are those who have expressed their concern regarding the lack of decisiveness on our part. I apologize on behalf of my country for not moving fast enough because I believe we want all our facts in place before making a decision. It’s similar to invading a nation suspected of holding nuclear weapons only to find nothing there, if you get my drift.

Malaysians who have jumped on the bandwagon to criticize the handling of this issue, I find you shameless and disrespectful. Suddenly, everyone’s an expert. Even those who have never flown on a plane or thought ‘Boeing’ was a foreign language prior to this incident. This is the time for us to stand united regardless of our political differences. Don’t use this tragedy to gain political mileage. Have better vision and maturity than that. As Winston Churchill once said, “When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”

I believe the Malaysian government along with the relevant authorities are doing everything within the confines of their power to bring closure to this tragedy. Please don’t make it impossible for them to do their job. We appreciate the help and support we have received from our friends in finding MH 370. As a national daily aptly said ’Countries whom we call friends must now do more to prove their friendship’.

I urge our nation to stand tall, unyielding and resilient. Show up for your nation as it needs you now. This is not a time for petty bickering. Put aside your differences and lend a hand. Or at least your voice.

I leave with a quote by Dalai Lama, “ “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”

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Pray for MH 370: Sofuan Ibrahim

Posted on March 14, 2014 | 6 comments

 

sofuan ibrahim

I wrote this piece on behalf of my friends, to those who have known Sofuan Ibrahim personally and have been touched by him in many ways. To those who wish they could pen their feelings for him in words. And to those who have kept him in their prayers.

I first met Sofuan when we were seven years of age. We were classmates in primary school for six years and I have not met him since. It has been twenty years.

I will always remember him as a kind hearted and spirited person. Time has stolen most of my memories of him but it has left me the essentials. Even at that very young age he was brilliant and his maturity belied his age. He was one of the best students in my class and a gifted public speaker. Blessed with the ability to lead by example, he was also the head prefect of my school. And we all loved him.

Sofuan contacted me some time ago. I was still working in Sabah and he had visited our home town. He mentioned that he never gets to meet his old friends whenever he is in town. He still remembers all our names and was really looking forward to meeting up. I gave him my word that I would contact him once I am back in town. I never did.

There are very few things in life I truly regret and this is one of them.  We are often swallowed by our commitments and it leaves us drained of everything else. It keeps us away from the things that really matter.

I wrote to remind us never to keep our search for comfort and financial security away from those we care and love. If you think of someone who means a lot to you, call now. Don’t wait. If you have not told someone how much they mean to you, say it now. Never hesitate. Go forth. Steal that kiss, hold that hand a while longer or hug someone a little bit closer for you may never know when you will see them again. Time is cruel to those who keep love and friendship locked within.

Live your life for those who matter. Burn those petty arguments. Cast your ego aside. Mould your life the way you want it to be, rather than conforming to the perceived standards of others. And live in the present for that is your gift to the future and a treasure for your past. Only then will you have truly lived with no regrets.

Please pray for MH 370. Pray for Sofuan Ibrahim. If you cannot pray then hope. If you cannot hope then believe.

I am often reminded of a quote by Albert Camus;

In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. I realized, through it all, that, In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’€™s something stronger, something better, pushing right back.

We are waiting for you, Sofuan. And we will keep praying. I hope to see you soon my friend. God bless MH 370.

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